Month: November 2014

Being Aware of Hypergamy – Part One

Hypergamy is a frequently discussed topic among the Manosphere. For those unfamiliar, here is the Wikipedia definition:

Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as “marrying up“) is the act or practice of marrying someone wealthier, or of higher caste or status than oneself. Although the term is not gendered, it is generally used by social scientists to refer to women marrying higher-status men, rather than to men marrying higher-status women.

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Although frowned upon by many men and women (sometimes causing outright anger), it is a common occurrence across the globe. Being aware of hypergamy will have a positive effect on your self-improvement goals and your overall dating life.

Through the summer of 2014, I had numerous relationships with some truly wonderful women. To recall, here is a quick rundown of where I was at that point in time:

• I had no job and was not in school
• I had moved back to my parents’
• I outcasted myself from old friends
• I was partying like a rockstar
• I was completely irresponsible

In all reality, I had nothing to offer a potential mate: no security, income, or assets that would be appealing for any type of long-term relationship. My physical appearance was, however, above average and included sexually-inspired clothing, a dedicated fitness routine, and proper grooming.

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Regardless of all the negative qualities, I met new women of higher social status on a weekly basis and, remarkably, was able to maintain outstanding “Friends With Benefits” bonds. Three of these women owned their own home, most had their own car, and they all held important positions within their careers. Although I didn’t marry any of these women, I used hypergamy and its core structure as a dating tool to get with high status women. Keep in mind, I wasn’t very high up the totem pole.

During our encounters, my gas was usually paid for (I always drove) and bottles of wine or vodka supplied before going out. More often than not, the girls also purchased drinks for me. In essence, there was a complete role-reversal within my dating world.

How did I do this?

Women are getting bored. They are getting bored with today’s “man”. Most of the men they meet are unimpressive and uninteresting.
* If any female readers disagree with the above statement, please comment.

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In exchange for gasoline and alcohol I provided excitement and mind-blowing sex. That is it.

Between the Nurse, the Executive Assistant, and the Store Manager, they all wanted one thing: exhilaration. They craved the thrills of the evening and anticipation of orgasmic sex. And how could I blame them? They slaved for hours on end in their careers and came home to Netflix marathons or boring Tinder dates. I would steal her on a Wednesday after work, get tipsy at her place, tease her mind and body, and then take her somewhere she had never been, thus making her wait even longer for the sexual experience she desired from me.

In the following articles, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of hypergamy as they apply to men.

Red Pill Loneliness: Anniversaries and Other Important Dates

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November 5th will be forever scarred and permanently emblazed into my memory bank: that was the day I discovered the “love of my life” was cheating. This past November 5th marked the one year anniversary of her infidelity and I struggled through the day. This was not the first anniversary gone by without her (birthdays, special dates, etc) , but was the most painful. It was the most painful because I feel I should have completely let go by now – to be free of the negative emotions I have of her. That, however, is not the case: I still think about her every day and I do not know why.

Getting through those “anniversaries” has been an excellent learning device. I have utilised several tricks, tools, and techniques to ensure I fall asleep with a smile, rather than harbouring sadness through the course of the day.

You Know the Day is Approaching
The days leading up to that dreaded anniversary are the most excruciating. Wondering what she’s doing, if she’s happier than you, and if she’s going to have a better time on your anniversary (without you) are constant questions. You may wonder if she even cares or remembers that a special day is coming up.

Fight these feelings with logic. What are YOU doing properly? What are YOU going to do to make yourself happy? What are YOU going to do on that day?

I knew a week in advance how I was going to spend the day. I called them “Me Days” where I did whatever the hell I wanted. I had a plan and I stuck with it.

Avoid Excessive Alcohol Consumption
If this is truly a day of torture and torment, do not add alcohol to the mix. There are plenty of events/outings that you can take part in without including booze. An alcohol ban may be part of your plan.

Plan Your “Me Day”
Start by asking yourself this question: do I even want to wake up for this shit? Take the day off work or school (give them a few days notice) and sleep in. Cutting those extra 3-4 hours out of the day means you have less time to think about her.

Regardless if I went to work or not, the first thing I would do was scour YouTube and Songza for new music and burn myself a CD for the car (yeah, those old shiny circular things).

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My “Me Day” always consisted of two fitness activities and some great food. I would hit the gym solo and have arrangements with friends for floor hockey, rock climbing, or rollerblading. Afterward, we would either cook a feast or head out to eat.

At this point, I would often have a female join for the remainder of the evening. If I had a girl with me that night, I was allowed to drink; If I was by myself or just with the guys, no alcohol.

This is what worked for me to drown out thoughts/images/memories of her. If you’re having trouble with an approaching special date, plan your Me Day and fill it with whatever you want.

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The Red Pill and True Love

An excellent article was written this week in the Business Insider by Emily Smith regarding the scientific equation to true love; Here is the link. I highly recommend digging into it on your own, but have cut several points out to discuss further, as the information is quite valuable.

Of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages, as psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book “The Science of Happily Ever After,” which was published earlier this year.

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This statistic did surprise me initially – I had always assumed more couples live in a happy state. We struggle to find a compatible mate, investing a great part of ourselves into finding and developing a meaningful bond. I would expect more than half of those yearning for love to commit to each other on a daily basis, but have discovered in my own pursuit of happiness, that this is not necessarily the case. Suffice to say, the infidelity that exists in this generation is only growing.

Social scientists first started studying marriages by observing them in action in the 1970s in response to a crisis: Married couples were divorcing at unprecedented rates. Worried about the impact these divorces would have on the children of the broken marriages, psychologists decided to cast their scientific net on couples, bringing them into the lab to observe them and determine what the ingredients of a healthy, lasting relationship were.

Psychologist John Gottman was one of those researchers. For the past four decades, he has studied thousands of couples in a quest to figure out what makes relationships work. 

…In 1990, he designed a lab on the University of Washington campus to look like a beautiful bed and breakfast retreat.

He invited 130 newlywed couples to spend the day at this retreat and watched them as they did what couples normally do on vacation: cook, clean, listen to music, eat, chat, and hang out. And Gottman made a critical discovery in this study — one that gets at the heart of why some relationships thrive while others languish.

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The information that follows is vital to your current or future relationship. It does not matter if you’re rich or poor, male or female, or heterosexual or homosexual. Upon reading this, flashbacks of your past relationships will flow through your mind as you identify with the research and make connection to failure/success.

Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife — a sign of interest or support — hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.

The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.

People who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t — those who turned away — would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, “Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.”

These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in ten of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy. The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of ten, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.

In that moment, the easy response may be to turn away from your partner and focus on your iPad or your book or the television, to mumble “Uh huh” and move on with your life, but neglecting small moments of emotional connection will slowly wear away at your relationship. Neglect creates distance between partners and breeds resentment in the one who is being ignored.

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I recognize and relate to it so well that it was startling; both great and poor relationships with past girlfriends came to mind when recalling this equation. In future relationships (short-term and long-term), I will pay attention to these “bids” in an attempt to satisfy my partner and to monitor her feelings toward me – I suggest that you do the same.

Red Pill Loneliness: Cooking for One

In the third installment of Red Pill Loneliness, I would like to discuss a method of cooking that helped to empower my masculinity, brought healthy food to my table, and killed countless hours of depression.

Any man will experience some degree of loneliness or boredom through the course of a given week. Having these quiet breaks of time are an opportunity – get up and do something with it.

The Charcoal Grill

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Knowing how to cook over fire was necessary for human survival up until the 20th century. The pleasures of grilling are surreal and will teach you the fundamentals of healthy cooking. You can pick up a cheap charcoal for $40 or you can spoil yourself with some of the deluxe models that hit the $300+ mark.

History of the Charcoal Grill
In 1952, a gentleman named George Stephen Sr. was working at Weber Brothers Metal Works in Chicago. The factory manufactured marine buoys. George came up with an idea for a better grill to replace the problematic outdoor BBQs that filled American backyards at the time. His invention: a dome-shaped grill with vents, covered by a lid to protect food from the elements.

George Stephen cut a buoy in half, added the air vents, legs,handles, and grilling plate. His invention would spark a backyard revolution.

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With winter fast approaching, I highly recommend researching this amazing device. Lets look at the Pros and Cons:

CONS
There are a few downsides to charcoal grilling, the first being time. It can take up to half an hour to get the grill up to temperature. Even after the appropriate heat has been reached, the cooking/smoking process is far greater than propane, gas, or oven cooking.

Unattended, it is quite easy to have a flair up, thus burning your food.

Charcoal is more expensive (at least in Canada) per individual meal. The cost of the charcoal, wood chips, and lighter fluid or chimney, adds up to slightly more than a $30 propane tank and does not produce as many BBQ events.

Because the concept behind charcoal grilling involves smoke, you may find that “fire” scent on your clothes.

PROS
The additional time required to prepare and cook the meals can be fun. Experimenting with different wood chips, meats, veggies, seasonings, and marinades is a joy.

Friends and family will drop in any time you mention you’re having a BBQ. If you’re looking for more social time in the comfort of your own home, a charcoal grill will help.

Glowing coals are at a temperature of about 1,100 degrees Celsius; while gas burns at around 1,900 degrees Celsius, there’s very little radiant heat from the flames. The heat produced from your charcoal makes grilling during a snowfall a relaxing experience.

The aroma created from a charcoal grill or smoker is simply amazing. Your BBQ will ooze with lip-smacking smells, letting a small neighbourhood know that you’ve lit your BBQ.

You cannot compare the flavour of the food to any other type of BBQ. I hated cooking before I purchased my first grill. Now, I can bring a beer-can chicken, filet Mignon, or cedar plank salmon to the table and impress any woman. And the time it takes to cook allows for some fun flirting in between!