Red Pill Loneliness: Anniversaries and Other Important Dates

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November 5th will be forever scarred and permanently emblazed into my memory bank: that was the day I discovered the “love of my life” was cheating. This past November 5th marked the one year anniversary of her infidelity and I struggled through the day. This was not the first anniversary gone by without her (birthdays, special dates, etc) , but was the most painful. It was the most painful because I feel I should have completely let go by now – to be free of the negative emotions I have of her. That, however, is not the case: I still think about her every day and I do not know why.

Getting through those “anniversaries” has been an excellent learning device. I have utilised several tricks, tools, and techniques to ensure I fall asleep with a smile, rather than harbouring sadness through the course of the day.

You Know the Day is Approaching
The days leading up to that dreaded anniversary are the most excruciating. Wondering what she’s doing, if she’s happier than you, and if she’s going to have a better time on your anniversary (without you) are constant questions. You may wonder if she even cares or remembers that a special day is coming up.

Fight these feelings with logic. What are YOU doing properly? What are YOU going to do to make yourself happy? What are YOU going to do on that day?

I knew a week in advance how I was going to spend the day. I called them “Me Days” where I did whatever the hell I wanted. I had a plan and I stuck with it.

Avoid Excessive Alcohol Consumption
If this is truly a day of torture and torment, do not add alcohol to the mix. There are plenty of events/outings that you can take part in without including booze. An alcohol ban may be part of your plan.

Plan Your “Me Day”
Start by asking yourself this question: do I even want to wake up for this shit? Take the day off work or school (give them a few days notice) and sleep in. Cutting those extra 3-4 hours out of the day means you have less time to think about her.

Regardless if I went to work or not, the first thing I would do was scour YouTube and Songza for new music and burn myself a CD for the car (yeah, those old shiny circular things).

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My “Me Day” always consisted of two fitness activities and some great food. I would hit the gym solo and have arrangements with friends for floor hockey, rock climbing, or rollerblading. Afterward, we would either cook a feast or head out to eat.

At this point, I would often have a female join for the remainder of the evening. If I had a girl with me that night, I was allowed to drink; If I was by myself or just with the guys, no alcohol.

This is what worked for me to drown out thoughts/images/memories of her. If you’re having trouble with an approaching special date, plan your Me Day and fill it with whatever you want.

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One comment

  1. Sounds like a solid plan of action if you ask me. I’ve been lucky enough to not have my balls torn off or my heart ripped out by catching my partner cheating. I have my suspicions about several of my ex’s, but I don’t gain anything by knowing.

    The second anniversary of my last relationship would’ve been in two weeks time, come to think of it, but instead of marking that day as a “me day” or trying intentionally to scrub it out, I live my life so fully that I just don’t get bogged down in the first place by thinking about it.

    Clearly this is just another anecdote, and the way you handle these dates is pretty solid, the problem is just that it still marks the date and makes it difficult to forget. I would propose you ante up on these “me days” by having two or three at random times a month. Essentially going etch-a-sketch on your schedule and diving in deep on your life.

    Over time, not having a mile marker for the day you were hurt will be more beneficial than intentionally trying to cover it up. Kind of like spot remover on well-used carpet. Just makes a clean patch and leaves the rest around it.

    Like

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