Men

Being Aware of Hypergamy – Part 2

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Definition:

hypergamy (haɪˈpɜːɡəmɪ)

1. (Anthropology & Ethnology) a custom that forbids a woman to marry a man of lower social status
2. (Anthropology & Ethnology) any marriage with a partner of higher social status

The easiest way to understand hypergamy is too view it as a consistent drive to upgrade to the most desirable relationship.

The traditional definition describes the occurrence in terms of marriage; due to changes in the dating world for those of us in the 21st century, consider its application for modern day relationships.

Although the term is directly associated with monetary value of the potential spouse/mate, hypergamy stretches beyond income and assets. In the western world, a woman is able to discard her current mate to secure a relationship with a male of higher status whenever such opportunity arises. The evolutionary psychology behind this theory is that a female must find a male with the best ability to provide for her offspring, regardless of investments and commitments made to her current boyfriend/fiancé/husband.

Whether the new man has:
A – the current/potential resources that will provide for her (aka the “nice guy”)
B – the ability to take resources from
others (aka the ” bad boy”)
this woman, of any age, can leave her partner with no guilt or consequence.

When a wife cheats, you rarely see her leave for someone of lower status. When a relationship ends, the next boyfriend is typically an improvement over the previous.

I completely support this strategy behind mating. Although it is not widely accepted as a true model (some relationship experts and modern feminists cast their doubts upon its existence), hypergamy presents frequently upon this generation and I understand why women would use it, notwithstanding the fact that it may be a subconscious manoeuvre. In all reality, who doesn’t want the best possible life partner?

This constant drive to upgrade to a better man, however, leaves behind many disgruntled, confused, and heartbroken males, who often feel emasculated several years after the event occurred.

So…How Can Hypergamy Help Men?

It is up to men to strive to improve. At no point can we become stagnant in our personal development… hypergamy has the potential to creep in if we allow it to. Our girlfriend/wife/lover will feel forced to abandon us for a man that can be a “better provider” for her. This means that hypergamy has an underlying benefit: it should force men to invest in themselves.

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The Red Pill has become a necessary male reflex to changes in social dynamics. Our “Self-Improvement Movements” are an excellent defence against hypergamy because you will prove to yourself and to your lover that you are the most valuable man available.

The Red Pill and True Love

An excellent article was written this week in the Business Insider by Emily Smith regarding the scientific equation to true love; Here is the link. I highly recommend digging into it on your own, but have cut several points out to discuss further, as the information is quite valuable.

Of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages, as psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book “The Science of Happily Ever After,” which was published earlier this year.

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This statistic did surprise me initially – I had always assumed more couples live in a happy state. We struggle to find a compatible mate, investing a great part of ourselves into finding and developing a meaningful bond. I would expect more than half of those yearning for love to commit to each other on a daily basis, but have discovered in my own pursuit of happiness, that this is not necessarily the case. Suffice to say, the infidelity that exists in this generation is only growing.

Social scientists first started studying marriages by observing them in action in the 1970s in response to a crisis: Married couples were divorcing at unprecedented rates. Worried about the impact these divorces would have on the children of the broken marriages, psychologists decided to cast their scientific net on couples, bringing them into the lab to observe them and determine what the ingredients of a healthy, lasting relationship were.

Psychologist John Gottman was one of those researchers. For the past four decades, he has studied thousands of couples in a quest to figure out what makes relationships work. 

…In 1990, he designed a lab on the University of Washington campus to look like a beautiful bed and breakfast retreat.

He invited 130 newlywed couples to spend the day at this retreat and watched them as they did what couples normally do on vacation: cook, clean, listen to music, eat, chat, and hang out. And Gottman made a critical discovery in this study — one that gets at the heart of why some relationships thrive while others languish.

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The information that follows is vital to your current or future relationship. It does not matter if you’re rich or poor, male or female, or heterosexual or homosexual. Upon reading this, flashbacks of your past relationships will flow through your mind as you identify with the research and make connection to failure/success.

Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife — a sign of interest or support — hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.

The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.

People who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t — those who turned away — would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, “Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.”

These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in ten of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy. The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of ten, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.

In that moment, the easy response may be to turn away from your partner and focus on your iPad or your book or the television, to mumble “Uh huh” and move on with your life, but neglecting small moments of emotional connection will slowly wear away at your relationship. Neglect creates distance between partners and breeds resentment in the one who is being ignored.

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I recognize and relate to it so well that it was startling; both great and poor relationships with past girlfriends came to mind when recalling this equation. In future relationships (short-term and long-term), I will pay attention to these “bids” in an attempt to satisfy my partner and to monitor her feelings toward me – I suggest that you do the same.

Red Pill Loneliness: Forming Friendships with Alpha Males

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In the previous article “Red Pill Loneliness“, we acknowledge that isolation occurs with change. The decision to “unplug” and take the Red Pill has consequences, one of which includes losing friends.

Building a new network can be a tiresome venture, but the investment pays off. Having alpha male friends rather than betas will surely change your life in a positive way.

It has taken me an entire year to do it, but I now have three best friends that consistently display alpha traits. Here are the pros and cons of having this type of man as a friend:

PROS
Your dedication to the gym, fitness activities, and sports will increase. You may or may not partake in these events with the Alpha male, but your athletic goals will be pushed.

You will eat healthier and learn to cook some interesting dishes because these men take care of their bodies

You will meet new women. Alpha men will approach and their natural charisma will provide you with opportunities.

More women will approach you and your group. Girls will be drawn in to the dominant male(s) in any room.

You will feel more masculine. Your body language will change, your self-esteem will improve, and your communication style will adapt.

You don’t have to worry about a true Alpha male fucking your girlfriend or cockblocking you. They can get their own pussy.

CONS
You will still experience loneliness due to the fact that Alpha men live busy lives. Between lists of responsibilities, partying, and gym time, they will not always be available.

Because Alpha men are frequently out on the town, you will find yourself spending more money.

Although Alpha men are admired in many social circles, they have a knack for making enemies, sparking jealousy, and making others angry.

Alpha males won’t put up with your shit. If you start to fail or fizzle out, don’t expect them to carry you for too long. If you screw them, you can be sure they’ll drop you permanently from their friends list.

How Do You Meet Alpha Males?
Simple. That guy in the room that’s getting all the positive attention and commands respect? That’s him. I find that their are only a few ways to connect with these types of men:

1. Find a common enemy. This may prove difficult, but this type of bond is concrete.

2. Share a story about the girl that broke your heart and how you’ve overcome it. These men have fallen in love too; this discussion will show his weaker, empathetic side.

3. Talk about your gym schedules, routines, etc.

Bonding with these stronger men may be intimidating at first. Drop the beta behaviour and go get a top tier friend.

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