Relationships

Being Aware of Hypergamy – Part One

Hypergamy is a frequently discussed topic among the Manosphere. For those unfamiliar, here is the Wikipedia definition:

Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as “marrying up“) is the act or practice of marrying someone wealthier, or of higher caste or status than oneself. Although the term is not gendered, it is generally used by social scientists to refer to women marrying higher-status men, rather than to men marrying higher-status women.

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Although frowned upon by many men and women (sometimes causing outright anger), it is a common occurrence across the globe. Being aware of hypergamy will have a positive effect on your self-improvement goals and your overall dating life.

Through the summer of 2014, I had numerous relationships with some truly wonderful women. To recall, here is a quick rundown of where I was at that point in time:

• I had no job and was not in school
• I had moved back to my parents’
• I outcasted myself from old friends
• I was partying like a rockstar
• I was completely irresponsible

In all reality, I had nothing to offer a potential mate: no security, income, or assets that would be appealing for any type of long-term relationship. My physical appearance was, however, above average and included sexually-inspired clothing, a dedicated fitness routine, and proper grooming.

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Regardless of all the negative qualities, I met new women of higher social status on a weekly basis and, remarkably, was able to maintain outstanding “Friends With Benefits” bonds. Three of these women owned their own home, most had their own car, and they all held important positions within their careers. Although I didn’t marry any of these women, I used hypergamy and its core structure as a dating tool to get with high status women. Keep in mind, I wasn’t very high up the totem pole.

During our encounters, my gas was usually paid for (I always drove) and bottles of wine or vodka supplied before going out. More often than not, the girls also purchased drinks for me. In essence, there was a complete role-reversal within my dating world.

How did I do this?

Women are getting bored. They are getting bored with today’s “man”. Most of the men they meet are unimpressive and uninteresting.
* If any female readers disagree with the above statement, please comment.

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In exchange for gasoline and alcohol I provided excitement and mind-blowing sex. That is it.

Between the Nurse, the Executive Assistant, and the Store Manager, they all wanted one thing: exhilaration. They craved the thrills of the evening and anticipation of orgasmic sex. And how could I blame them? They slaved for hours on end in their careers and came home to Netflix marathons or boring Tinder dates. I would steal her on a Wednesday after work, get tipsy at her place, tease her mind and body, and then take her somewhere she had never been, thus making her wait even longer for the sexual experience she desired from me.

In the following articles, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of hypergamy as they apply to men.

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The Red Pill and True Love

An excellent article was written this week in the Business Insider by Emily Smith regarding the scientific equation to true love; Here is the link. I highly recommend digging into it on your own, but have cut several points out to discuss further, as the information is quite valuable.

Of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages, as psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book “The Science of Happily Ever After,” which was published earlier this year.

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This statistic did surprise me initially – I had always assumed more couples live in a happy state. We struggle to find a compatible mate, investing a great part of ourselves into finding and developing a meaningful bond. I would expect more than half of those yearning for love to commit to each other on a daily basis, but have discovered in my own pursuit of happiness, that this is not necessarily the case. Suffice to say, the infidelity that exists in this generation is only growing.

Social scientists first started studying marriages by observing them in action in the 1970s in response to a crisis: Married couples were divorcing at unprecedented rates. Worried about the impact these divorces would have on the children of the broken marriages, psychologists decided to cast their scientific net on couples, bringing them into the lab to observe them and determine what the ingredients of a healthy, lasting relationship were.

Psychologist John Gottman was one of those researchers. For the past four decades, he has studied thousands of couples in a quest to figure out what makes relationships work. 

…In 1990, he designed a lab on the University of Washington campus to look like a beautiful bed and breakfast retreat.

He invited 130 newlywed couples to spend the day at this retreat and watched them as they did what couples normally do on vacation: cook, clean, listen to music, eat, chat, and hang out. And Gottman made a critical discovery in this study — one that gets at the heart of why some relationships thrive while others languish.

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The information that follows is vital to your current or future relationship. It does not matter if you’re rich or poor, male or female, or heterosexual or homosexual. Upon reading this, flashbacks of your past relationships will flow through your mind as you identify with the research and make connection to failure/success.

Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife — a sign of interest or support — hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.

The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.

People who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t — those who turned away — would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, “Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.”

These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in ten of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy. The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of ten, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.

In that moment, the easy response may be to turn away from your partner and focus on your iPad or your book or the television, to mumble “Uh huh” and move on with your life, but neglecting small moments of emotional connection will slowly wear away at your relationship. Neglect creates distance between partners and breeds resentment in the one who is being ignored.

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I recognize and relate to it so well that it was startling; both great and poor relationships with past girlfriends came to mind when recalling this equation. In future relationships (short-term and long-term), I will pay attention to these “bids” in an attempt to satisfy my partner and to monitor her feelings toward me – I suggest that you do the same.

FWB Wants a Relationship

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The dreadful day has arrived: my Friends With Benefits has breached the line of casual fun and wants to enter the realm of committed monogamy.

I should begin by highlighting her personality and describing her physical attributes. Hollie is a wonderful young woman, aged 27, that knows how to take care of herself and the man that she is with. She is a great Mother to a 2-year old girl and is working hard in a retail management role while living with her Mom. Although she does not have any college or university education, her aspirations to obtain postsecondary schooling as a single Mom do impress me. She is good with money, has a high sex drive, and listens when I ramble on – three qualities I desire in any type of relationship.

Unfortunately, there are a number of issues that I cannot ignore:

*She is thicker than what I find attractive. She stands at 5’4 but has extra weight across the tummy, legs, and ass. I am attracted and aroused by women of petite stature.

*She eats fast-food and microwave dishes 5+ times a week. This is a huge turn-off for me considering that I am in fit form right now. She seriously has a pizza addiction.

*She does not have a drivers licence. I will never be a chauffer for a girlfriend again.

*She is not physically active and has no motivation at this point to make improvements to her body.

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The negative points outweigh all of her positives; I will not settle with a woman simply because she has a charming personality. I can’t even say out loud that her physical shape is the barrier to any LTR, as society now deems thicker women as normal and/or beautiful.

Now, the former me would have thought myself as an asshole for having these views and that I should “give this girl a chance”. Thanks to the introduction to Red Pill theory and the Manosphere, I do not have any guilt. Just because I’m having sex with her doesn’t mean I owe her anything more than the positive experiences we are currently enjoying.

It crushed me, but I was honest with her and told her the following: “I’m working on myself right now and my goals. If I start a relationship with you, I’ll put everything on hold to focus on you. I’m not able to do that”. She is an amazing young woman, but I’m not prepared to stop working on myself so I can cook proper meals for her, drive her to work when it rains, and force her into a gym routine.

When your FWB wants a relationship, consider what YOU actually want and communicate it accordingly. In all, it was an hour of painful delivery (think of it like going to the dentist) and then leave with your head held high.

Still not sure? Read this:
http:// http://www.girlschase.com/content/4-stages-every-friends-benefits-relationship