Women

The Red Pill and True Love

An excellent article was written this week in the Business Insider by Emily Smith regarding the scientific equation to true love; Here is the link. I highly recommend digging into it on your own, but have cut several points out to discuss further, as the information is quite valuable.

Of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages, as psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book “The Science of Happily Ever After,” which was published earlier this year.

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This statistic did surprise me initially – I had always assumed more couples live in a happy state. We struggle to find a compatible mate, investing a great part of ourselves into finding and developing a meaningful bond. I would expect more than half of those yearning for love to commit to each other on a daily basis, but have discovered in my own pursuit of happiness, that this is not necessarily the case. Suffice to say, the infidelity that exists in this generation is only growing.

Social scientists first started studying marriages by observing them in action in the 1970s in response to a crisis: Married couples were divorcing at unprecedented rates. Worried about the impact these divorces would have on the children of the broken marriages, psychologists decided to cast their scientific net on couples, bringing them into the lab to observe them and determine what the ingredients of a healthy, lasting relationship were.

Psychologist John Gottman was one of those researchers. For the past four decades, he has studied thousands of couples in a quest to figure out what makes relationships work. 

…In 1990, he designed a lab on the University of Washington campus to look like a beautiful bed and breakfast retreat.

He invited 130 newlywed couples to spend the day at this retreat and watched them as they did what couples normally do on vacation: cook, clean, listen to music, eat, chat, and hang out. And Gottman made a critical discovery in this study — one that gets at the heart of why some relationships thrive while others languish.

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The information that follows is vital to your current or future relationship. It does not matter if you’re rich or poor, male or female, or heterosexual or homosexual. Upon reading this, flashbacks of your past relationships will flow through your mind as you identify with the research and make connection to failure/success.

Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife — a sign of interest or support — hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.

The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.

People who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t — those who turned away — would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, “Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.”

These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in ten of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy. The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of ten, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.

In that moment, the easy response may be to turn away from your partner and focus on your iPad or your book or the television, to mumble “Uh huh” and move on with your life, but neglecting small moments of emotional connection will slowly wear away at your relationship. Neglect creates distance between partners and breeds resentment in the one who is being ignored.

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I recognize and relate to it so well that it was startling; both great and poor relationships with past girlfriends came to mind when recalling this equation. In future relationships (short-term and long-term), I will pay attention to these “bids” in an attempt to satisfy my partner and to monitor her feelings toward me – I suggest that you do the same.

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Organize the Flakes

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The quote above vividly describes the current outbreak of flaking in the dating world. For those unfamiliar, flaking can be defined by the following actions:

Intentionally ignoring texts/calls
Last-minute date cancellations
Lack of commitment to meeting

Each girl feels as though her act of flaking is a harmless manoeuvre, with no real consequence or damage created. Unfortunately, each girl contributing their flaky behaviour has snowballed, resulting in daily avalanches. It is now socially acceptable for women to flake with absolutely no repercussion.

Granted, there are many valid reasons to flake on a guy. After all, many men really have no idea how to communicate with the opposite sex. The flakes discussed within this article are the young ladies that have a steady following of men and have a choke-hold of their dating market. It does not describe women who are uninterested, consider you a friend, or are actually attracted to you.

It is difficult to predict, understand, and/or relate to flaking from a male standpoint. This leaves only “prevention” as a possible solution to the epidemic that technology and sexual liberation has brought upon us.

Organising your contacts in your phone based on flaking behaviour is valuable for a few reasons:

#1. First of all, your subconscious mind will be prepared. You have named her “Flake Amanda” which will remind you of her past behaviour, assisting in how you choose to respond when a message/call comes in.

#2. When scrolling through your contact list on a Friday night, you won’t even bother contacting the girls with the first name “Flake”. Why set yourself up for rejection while providing them with an ego boost?

#3. You have something to show her if you run into her. This tactic is cheap and childish, but so is flaking. At some point in the conversation, show her the list of girls you have in your ” Flake File” and point her out. Women think that they’re all unique and special; showing her that she’s just the same as every other 20-something robs her of that distinction. Don’t be an asshole about it – be cool, nonchalant, and careless.

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#4. Creating this list will motivate you to go out and replace flakes that have made the list. Knowing that you will no longer communicate with her may light that fire under your ass to ask for numbers.

#5. It is a step in the right direction in terms of communication and efficiency. This isn’t the solution to worldwide flakes, but you’ll find yourself dealing with less bitch behaviour and moving on much quicker.

This form of prevention works and will be of benefit to anyone dealing with constant flaking.

The Unspoken Golden Rule of Dating

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I stumbled upon a “golden rule” of dating that women apply that not only caught my attention, but blew my mind when I realized the truth behind it. As men, we often neglect to view the world from other perspectives and are oblivious to some of the tactics used by the opposite sex.

This is the unspoken fact that modern women can count on: “One of the Golden Rules of dating is that you can always fuck a hotter guy than you can get a commitment from.”

The simplicity behind it is amazing. At the same time, the information is gut wrenching.

I need not dig into this golden rule; knowing that it is an element of dating and relationships is valuable enough.

In an effort to uncover more of these “golden rules”, I scoured the internet for women’s dating advice. Here is the unedited collection of advice that female pick-up artists have passed along through websites, blogs, etc. to the girls of this generation.

……….

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DATING
Only put in 30% effort.

Make him come to you. This is especially true for the first few dates. If you go to his house on the first date instead of him coming to pick you up, I have two words for you, Booty Call.

You should not accept a date on Wednesday or Thursday for that weekend. You are a busy woman.

Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.

Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady’s prerogative.

If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.

Dating one man at a time, will only allow you to find one loser at time

Avoid two things in life: cheap shoes and cheap men

Be a Responder, not a Hunter. Hunters are men. You are not a man.

Busy is just “Busy”– don’t explain. Be happy and aloof when explaining that you are busy for the night.

Never be available when he wants you to be.

Use pet names such as “honey” or “sweetheart” to avoid mixing up their names when dating multiple guys.

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SEX
Want to hook up? Do it.

Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you.

When on vacation, slut it up hardcore if you know you never have to see him again

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CELL
Never return a call or text immediately.  Remember, you are busy, busy, busy.

Wait at least four hours to answer a text

Don’t answer after midnight

Always respond with fewer words than he’s texted to you.

Wait 24 to 48 hours to confirm a friend request from him and NEVER write on his wall or ‘like’ his status updates.

Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
……….

 Granted, not all women will take these tidbits of advice to heart, nor will they apply them to every single man. The female sex does use “game”, just like we do though.

I am, however, hoping to discover more of these unspoken golden rules that exist. If you know of any, please add them to the comments to assist other young men that are on the journey. As one website wrote: “Just like with children who will tell you they don’t want rules, men function much better and are happier with them.”

Pfft, yeah…

FWB Wants a Relationship

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The dreadful day has arrived: my Friends With Benefits has breached the line of casual fun and wants to enter the realm of committed monogamy.

I should begin by highlighting her personality and describing her physical attributes. Hollie is a wonderful young woman, aged 27, that knows how to take care of herself and the man that she is with. She is a great Mother to a 2-year old girl and is working hard in a retail management role while living with her Mom. Although she does not have any college or university education, her aspirations to obtain postsecondary schooling as a single Mom do impress me. She is good with money, has a high sex drive, and listens when I ramble on – three qualities I desire in any type of relationship.

Unfortunately, there are a number of issues that I cannot ignore:

*She is thicker than what I find attractive. She stands at 5’4 but has extra weight across the tummy, legs, and ass. I am attracted and aroused by women of petite stature.

*She eats fast-food and microwave dishes 5+ times a week. This is a huge turn-off for me considering that I am in fit form right now. She seriously has a pizza addiction.

*She does not have a drivers licence. I will never be a chauffer for a girlfriend again.

*She is not physically active and has no motivation at this point to make improvements to her body.

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The negative points outweigh all of her positives; I will not settle with a woman simply because she has a charming personality. I can’t even say out loud that her physical shape is the barrier to any LTR, as society now deems thicker women as normal and/or beautiful.

Now, the former me would have thought myself as an asshole for having these views and that I should “give this girl a chance”. Thanks to the introduction to Red Pill theory and the Manosphere, I do not have any guilt. Just because I’m having sex with her doesn’t mean I owe her anything more than the positive experiences we are currently enjoying.

It crushed me, but I was honest with her and told her the following: “I’m working on myself right now and my goals. If I start a relationship with you, I’ll put everything on hold to focus on you. I’m not able to do that”. She is an amazing young woman, but I’m not prepared to stop working on myself so I can cook proper meals for her, drive her to work when it rains, and force her into a gym routine.

When your FWB wants a relationship, consider what YOU actually want and communicate it accordingly. In all, it was an hour of painful delivery (think of it like going to the dentist) and then leave with your head held high.

Still not sure? Read this:
http:// http://www.girlschase.com/content/4-stages-every-friends-benefits-relationship